RESULTS: Gained 1 pound for a total loss of 21 pounds

I've put off this post until the very last day of July hoping that I will change what I'm doing and see some progress. I'm sad, disappointed, and frustrated to say that I haven't changed any bad habits at all.

In fact, a Facebook Memory post from one year ago today said that I'd lost 28 pounds! But now I'm down to 21 – having gained 7 pounds in the last few months. Why?

Combination of things – an innocent bit of fun celebrating my birthday, followed by John staying home the last few months to write his next book, followed by a vacation to Michigan where we ate and drank every favorite and missed food, followed by us getting more and more down as we wait to find out when and where the next job will be.

I'm actually not that concerned about my birthday celebration, our anniversary celebration, or our vacation to Michigan and its accompanying overeating and drinking.

It's the fact that I have no willpower to eat less when John is home cooking every day. I don't have willpower to eat less when John eats a bigger serving. I don't have willpower to eat less when I'm feeling down about our life situation. (Not knowing when you're moving or where to is getting old.)

I don't know (in fact, never knew) why in late December 2015 I decided I was done being overweight and out of shape and decided to do my 50 pounds in 50 weeks challenge. But I wish I could find that switch and flip it again!

I've been saying I want to be my fittest by the time I'm 50 – that's about 34 weeks away. I could still lose 30 pounds in 34 weeks and win the prize! But what do I need to do inside my head to make that happen?

I'm usually pretty motivated and doing fairly well in the early parts of the day. It's from about 3pm to bedtime that I'm going into the red calorie-wise and sugar-wise. I know it's emotional eating. I guess I just have to dig deep inside and ask myself what I need to do to change my heart and mind. (Being by myself all day most days when John was at work all day, I did MUCH better – but because I hate to cook. John loves to cook, and I love to eat what he makes.)

It's decision time.

What's most important to me? The comfort of the moment? Or a long-term goal that will improve my health, peace, and happiness?

The same questions can sort of be applied to exercise. I've done almost none since the last race five months ago. Granted, I've been catching up on work that was put off during our hard times of the last few years. I've really been in the groove, putting out two titles already this year, with a third one coming out in August. Exciting!

But my back hurts more than ever. (I hurt it exercising about a year ago, and I haven't done much to help it.) This is no small matter when you consider that a friend of mine had major back surgery last year and was told, if I'm repeating it correctly, that it was from sitting at a computer all day for years and not doing any stretching or strengthening. Even the weather can't keep me from doing that because those are indoor activities.

And yet, I've barely done anything. (Though I am typing this post standing at my standing desk!)

Why am I writing all this here in a very public place? To shame myself into acting? Shame isn't a huge motivator for me, actually. Shame would lead me to just stop posting about it. 😀

I'm posting because I need to confront myself and my decision-making process. I want to succeed.

I'm posting because some of you may have gone through – or are now going through – a similar soul-search, asking yourself “Why?”

I'm posting because hiding is not a positive action. We need positive actions to improve our health – physical, emotional, spiritual, the whole health of the whole person.

And if we keep working together, we can succeed together! 😀

Don't stop trying! We can find a way to do this!

EXCITING NOTE: After I posted this, I went back through the blog here and found that I was still down 28 pounds in February when I ran the Round the Bays race here in Wellington. So I'd kept off those 28 pounds for 7 months! The weight gain started when John stayed home and cooked every day and my exercise decreased dramatically. Okay, that is information I can work with!!

Look at your calendar or think back to when things were going well. What's changed? What can you do to get back into circumstances more conducive to better health? What circumstances can you change?

If I can make some changes and some progress in August, I'll post more often and tell you what's working for me…just in case it gives you ideas for you!