A gelato burger from Carrello’s – we cut ours in half and shared it

RESULTS: Gained 1 pound for a total loss of 21 pounds

I’ve put off this post until the very last day of July hoping that I will change what I’m doing and see some progress. I’m sad, disappointed, and frustrated to say that I haven’t changed any bad habits at all.

In fact, a Facebook Memory post from one year ago today said that I’d lost 28 pounds! But now I’m down to 21 – having gained 7 pounds in the last few months. Why?

Combination of things – an innocent bit of fun celebrating my birthday, followed by John staying home the last few months to write his next book, followed by a vacation to Michigan where we ate and drank every favorite and missed food, followed by us getting more and more down as we wait to find out when and where the next job will be.

I’m actually not that concerned about my birthday celebration, our anniversary celebration, or our vacation to Michigan and its accompanying overeating and drinking.

It’s the fact that I have no willpower to eat less when John is home cooking every day. I don’t have willpower to eat less when John eats a bigger serving. I don’t have willpower to eat less when I’m feeling down about our life situation. (Not knowing when you’re moving or where to is getting old.)

I don’t know (in fact, never knew) why in late December 2015 I decided I was done being overweight and out of shape and decided to do my 50 pounds in 50 weeks challenge. But I wish I could find that switch and flip it again!

I’ve been saying I want to be my fittest by the time I’m 50 – that’s about 34 weeks away. I could still lose 30 pounds in 34 weeks and win the prize! But what do I need to do inside my head to make that happen?

I’m usually pretty motivated and doing fairly well in the early parts of the day. It’s from about 3pm to bedtime that I’m going into the red calorie-wise and sugar-wise. I know it’s emotional eating. I guess I just have to dig deep inside and ask myself what I need to do to change my heart and mind. (Being by myself all day most days when John was at work all day, I did MUCH better – but because I hate to cook. John loves to cook, and I love to eat what he makes.)

It’s decision time.

What’s most important to me? The comfort of the moment? Or a long-term goal that will improve my health, peace, and happiness?

The same questions can sort of be applied to exercise. I’ve done almost none since the last race five months ago. Granted, I’ve been catching up on work that was put off during our hard times of the last few years. I’ve really been in the groove, putting out two titles already this year, with a third one coming out in August. Exciting!

But my back hurts more than ever. (I hurt it exercising about a year ago, and I haven’t done much to help it.) This is no small matter when you consider that a friend of mine had major back surgery last year and was told, if I’m repeating it correctly, that it was from sitting at a computer all day for years and not doing any stretching or strengthening. Even the weather can’t keep me from doing that because those are indoor activities.

And yet, I’ve barely done anything. (Though I am typing this post standing at my standing desk!)

Why am I writing all this here in a very public place? To shame myself into acting? Shame isn’t a huge motivator for me, actually. Shame would lead me to just stop posting about it. 😀

I’m posting because I need to confront myself and my decision-making process. I want to succeed.

I’m posting because some of you may have gone through – or are now going through – a similar soul-search, asking yourself “Why?”

I’m posting because hiding is not a positive action. We need positive actions to improve our health – physical, emotional, spiritual, the whole health of the whole person.

And if we keep working together, we can succeed together! 😀

Don’t stop trying! We can find a way to do this!

EXCITING NOTE: After I posted this, I went back through the blog here and found that I was still down 28 pounds in February when I ran the Round the Bays race here in Wellington. So I’d kept off those 28 pounds for 7 months! The weight gain started when John stayed home and cooked every day and my exercise decreased dramatically. Okay, that is information I can work with!!

Look at your calendar or think back to when things were going well. What’s changed? What can you do to get back into circumstances more conducive to better health? What circumstances can you change?

If I can make some changes and some progress in August, I’ll post more often and tell you what’s working for me…just in case it gives you ideas for you!

Kitty and Frosty about to go for a trail ride

RESULTS: Gained 2 pounds for a total loss of 26 pounds

Well…um…yeahhhh….hahaha! 😀

All I can say is – my birthday was last month! And for ten days,  John treated me to so many awesome things from horseback riding to meals at little cafes to big Whittaker’s dark chocolate bars. And I loved every single thing! Haha!!

In fact, that’s why I didn’t post anything last month – I didn’t want to weigh myself. 😀  But the Monday after my birthday I put away all the sweets and cut back on my snacks and took advantage of a free week at the gym. I just finished my last day there today, and I’m going to be able to do a lot of that stuff here at home.

So now I have 11 months before my 50th birthday – 11 months to lose another 25 pounds, gain many pounds of muscle, and train better so I can run my fastest half marathon ever before my next birthday. Woohoo!!

I will say one thing – I was eating pretty healthy, a lot more veggies, for a few weeks before my birthday, and then I got busy/lazy and didn’t cook myself anything because I was racing to meet deadlines. I could REALLY tell the difference in how I felt! Now John is home and cooking for both of us and I already feel better having eaten two vegetables today. 😉

Between more vegetables and tougher and more frequent exercise, I’m looking forward to feeling better than ever. And it won’t hurt my self-esteem at all to see myself looking better than ever before, too!

Have you hit the Restart button lately on nutrition and exercise? How’s it going?

RESULTS: Might’ve lost a couple pounds??

Our house and car in Wellington, New Zealand

This past week I’ve been packing up to leave the hotel, going to the Weta Christmas party, and unpacking into our new home. I’ve been running errands, but today was the first day in a week that I’ve been able to take time to run again. (I was tired, but it still felt good!)

The movers expect to deliver our belongings next week, so I’ll be able to start weighing myself again and see how I’m doing. Yesterday I was wearing a pair of pants that I couldn’t get on in January, but were almost embarrassingly loose yesterday. 🙂 That’s something!

Even without the scale, I feel like I’m making a little progress. Of course, part of it is because I need to thoroughly clean the kitchen, cupboards, dishes, etc. with hot water and bleach because this place has been empty a little while. (When I saw the mousetrap, I kinda freaked out, but I haven’t seen a mouse. Just a few small bugs that I don’t like but probably can’t keep out.)

Once I feel everything is clean enough, then I can start cooking a little and eat fewer sandwiches. It’s a summer house, so there isn’t much cupboard space, so I won’t be able to buy too much food at once, which is good. But my friend Elena (Southern California) is going to give me some cooking lessons via Skype – yay! And my friend Rachel (in Melbourne, Australia) wants to bake together via Skype – yay! We just have to make the times work since I’m in Wellington, New Zealand now. But I’m excited!

I’ll keep you updated for another week or two, then I’ll take a Christmas break and come back with a new goal in January! How are YOU doing with your health and fitness goals? Don’t give up! Take a break if you need to, but let’s not lose what momentum we’ve gained. We can do this! 😀